The Auto Writer

Question: What's the difference between Elizabeth Taylor and Chrysler? Answer: Taylor has had two more husbands than Chrysler.

It won’t take a team of Hollywood writers to craft the Chrysler saga, but if screen writers were to develop a love story based on the fortunes of Chrysler it might go something like this: a German businessman pursues an American starlet, they get married but marital trouble starts immediately. Both parties accuse the other of misleading them, a tumultuous marriage that ends in a bitter divorce nearly ten years later.

Immediately freed of her German overlord, Chrysler falls into the waiting arms of an American equity tycoon, Cerberus, who realizes following a brief honeymoon that they’ve taken on more than they can handle. Soon, Chrysler is destitute and, just as with what happened to Daimler, Cerberus’ investment in Chrysler is rendered worthless.

With the US federal government acting as matchmaker, the well used and often spurned Chrysler is older, uglier and much thinner than the alluring, voluptuous partner who exchanged vows with Daimler in 1998. An aged Italian suitor is waiting in the wings, fully understanding Chrysler’s reputation for bleeding dry its two previous partners, but still enticed by the knowledge of what Chrysler once represented in her younger years – innovation, style and a remarkable knack for overcoming adversity.

Thanks to a federal funded dowry in the billions, Fiat marries Chrysler in a bid to begin a new chapter in which both parties hope will bring forth all of the charm that was missing in two previous marriages.

For all of that I will say to Fiat – Buona Fortuna!

Yesterday, that new chapter in Chrysler’s rocky history began, a story that has yet to be written. Fiat SpA chairman Sergio Marchionne, who is also the head of the new Chrysler Group LLC entity, privately addressed North American Chrysler executives on Wednesday explaining that second chances in the auto industry are rare and that there won’t be a third chance, as reported in today’s issue of The Wall Street Journal.

Um, Signor Marchionne, Chrysler is now on at least its fourth hitch up, having gotten bailed out in 1980 under the Carter administration followed by the 1998 Daimler and 2007 Cerberus acquisitions. Include the 2008/2009 Bush and Obama administrations in that mix and that makes Fiat the fifth rescuer for America’s most consistently beleaguered automaker.

Wishing Fiat and Chrysler many happy returns won’t ensure that this marriage will succeed. Fiat’s stepchildren — which includes the Chrysler, Dodge and Jeep brands — have suffered as their mother goes from one partner to the next, with all three siblings jockeying for their mother’s love.

Word that Chrysler may soon join Plymouth, Eagle and DeSoto in the afterlife has already been suggested, but then there are also two other siblings no one talks all that much about, Mopar and GEM, with few sure what roll they will play in the newly expanded Fiat family. Never mind that Fiat also brings his own offspring into the global family.

The federal government brokered bankruptcy and sell off of Chrysler is and was a huge undertaking, one that has cost US taxpayers billions while forcing primary stakeholders to give up their investment in the old Chrysler for the new Chrysler. Closed factories have to be restarted, delayed product introductions fast tracked, and a plan outlining the automaker’s new, small car direction still has to be created.

Like wedding guests who have seen this all too familiar scenario unfold before, Chrysler is to the auto industry what Elizabeth Taylor is to the movie industry — a much wed and often spurned lover who once promised so much, but today is only a shell of its former self.

Photo: US public domain file photo featuring Elizabeth Taylor (1950) in the movie, Father of the Bride.